So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
