I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do vagina's smell?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
