just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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