i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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