i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
