Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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