I think i peed on brittanys purse
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
