So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
