so explain again why im purple
no
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
how drunk are you?
Several
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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