So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
