Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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