So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
