Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize