I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
