he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
