i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
