So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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