hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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