Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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