Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
