Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize