First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize