so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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