Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
