So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
