I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
