shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
