I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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