I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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