Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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