Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
