Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
