saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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