they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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