the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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