I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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