This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
home. puking in laundry basket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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