Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
