I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
