you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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