I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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