When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
