I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
