i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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