for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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