hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
