question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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