Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
