WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
