dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
