I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
