Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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