This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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