This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize