and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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