Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i believe in u and ur pee
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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