you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
