is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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