i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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