Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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