I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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