oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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