my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
