Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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