Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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